


Look, look in the mirror, oh look in your distress

by Cherry_Milk



Category: Cryp07 (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, As I Walked Out One Evening (part of the poem is in the title), Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Levi is kind of pining, M/M, Modeus is kinda dramatic, Modeus uses the pronouns of the form he’s in, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, minor self-harm, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24661528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_Milk/pseuds/Cherry_Milk
Summary: Life remains a blessing, although you cannot bless.Modeus stands in the bathroom, in front of the mirror that has been there since he first moved in. He's breathing heavily, breathing in and out at a rapid pace, unable to calm down. His eyes are fixed on the sink below him, his knuckles white from clinging to the brim of it. He hates himself.
Relationships: Levi | Cryp07/Modeus | Cryp07
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Look, look in the mirror, oh look in your distress

Modeus stands in the bathroom, in front of the mirror that has been there since he first moved in. He's breathing heavily, breathing in and out at a rapid pace, unable to calm down. His eyes are fixed on the sink below him, his knuckles white from clinging to the brim of it.

He looks up at the mirror, his face in a cruel grimace, his hair is greasy and his eyes are tired. "I hate this", he whispers, unable to look away even though it tortures him and even though he cannot stand this, stand himself, any longer. He shifts. He feels his body change and it calms him a bit, a tiny bit until she looks up. She looks into the mirror, hair still greasy, eyes still tired and she shifts, and he looks the same, and he shifts and she shifts.

And he punches. Punches the mirror once, twice, until it's completely shattered. He is tired, exhausted and out of power. His hand bleeds. How cruel that even demons bleed, he thinks to himself, while wiping the blood onto his cheeks. The red of it now in direct contrast to his pink hair, his pink eyes, that still shine, even though he is tired.

"I fucking hate this" he whispers again, this time more quiet, nearly a whimper, a droplet in a wide and dangerous ocean.

How can he ever look at himself again.

He has to go to dinner with the others in half an hour. He promised. He knows that they don't like him, don't really want him there, that the invitation is just out of politeness, but he promised and if they want to see him, they will, he thinks. Briefly, he entertains the idea of just showing up there like this, blood dried on his hands, tired and greasy and exhausted. But they'd notice, then, they would talk about it, about him and he can't have that.

So he showers, the first time in days and he heals his cuts and his tired eyes with what little potion he has left and he puts on new clothes. He looks in the sink, his image reflecting on hundreds of fragments from the mirror. It's distorted and unclear and he sees a single tear forming in his eye, watches, as it drops down, on a piece of mirror.

He walks out of his room, down the hall and into the dining room, where all the others already wait. He puts on the most confident smirk he can manage.

"Why did you take so long?" Levi asks, his voice accusatory. Modeus winks at him.

"I had this girl over, sweetie." and while Levi's face reddens with something that Modeus can't quite pinpoint -Anger? Embarrassment? _Envy_?- Astan groans. "Come on you fuckboy, please spare us the details" Modeus grins wide, but doesn't say anything else, to scared that his voice could break.

So they eat, and the other talk. He throws in some smug comments here and there, as he always does.

They're finally done, he can get up, he can leave. So he does. But just as he opens his door he hears footsteps behind him, running towards him and someone is grabbing his sleeve, so he turns around. It's Levi. He groans internally but grins at Levi nonetheless.

"Now, now, babydoll, wanna come to _my_ room or should we go to _yours_ ?" Levi flushes again, letting go of his sleeve. Modeus feels powerful. The way he can predict Levi's reactions to what he says, they give him a twisted thrill of power, of strength.

"I just... you behaved weird at dinner." Levi says and Modeus didn't predict this. His power and his confidence crumble and he gives his best to not let it show on his face.

"Darling, that's all just in your pretty little head" he chirps and it affects Levi exactly in the way he intended. "Now let me go back to my room, I need to call the girl from before" he says, smugly.

Suddenly he's pushed backwards against the door.

He stumbles into his room, with Levi pushing against his chest, his eyes flashing green and his teeth gritted. Levi pushes the door close behind them, full force. "Fucking _stop_ , okay!" he screams, tears welling up in his eyes and Modeus can't look at him anymore. His eyes drift towards the side for a second, until he's a little more composed again.

"Babygirl, don't yell at me like that" he smirks and Levi charges at him, full speed, and he punches Modeus in the chest. Then he looks up at him, full on crying now. "Please, just stop" he screams, "don't do this to me!" "Do what?" Modeus asks in return, not smug, not grinning or smiling anymore.

"Stop fucking hurting me, okay. You flirt and smirk and all that even though I mean _NOTHING_ to you and when I ask you what's wrong you fucking _lie_ to me. You hurt everyone around you, WHY?" Levi looks him in the eyes, angry and hurt and Modeus can't take it anymore.

He breaks down. He falls to his knees, on the ground, bending forward, so that his head nearly touches the floor. Levi doesn't say anything. So he just lies there for a couple of seconds and Levi kneels down, voice softer now. "I'm _sorry_ . Come on. Please just tell me about it." and when Modeus doesn't answer, he adds "I'll get you a glass of water and then we'll talk." Levi gets up, takes the glass from Modeus nightstand and walks towards the bathroom door, which is still slightly open.

Modeus jumps up. "Wait I can get some-" "Oh my god " Levi whispers. "-myself.", he groans, throwing himself onto his bed, hands covering his face.

"There's _blood_ in your sink." Levi says, voice unsteady. "I know." he whispers "And your mirror is broken." "I know" he growls now. He hears footsteps come towards him and a few seconds later feels the bed shift. Levi sits on the edge and strokes his hair. "Tell me." Levi asks. "I can't " he answers, voice breaking.

"Please, tell me what happend" Levi tries again, failing the attempt to sound calm, when he really isn't. Modeus doesn't answer. "Should I leave?" Levi asks then and Modeus swallows all his pride, musters all the strength he has and he answers "Please don't go." "Then tell me what's wrong. We'll find a solution, come on. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that- That I fuck everything up." he finally says. His voice thin and barely audible. "I fuck up all this here. I hurt you and I hurt everyone. I get that you all hate me" he gulps and then adds "cause I can't even stand myself" it's quiet for a couple of seconds until Levi responds, softly "No one here hates you. Why have you never said anything."

"Is that a _fucking_ joke? No one here likes me. You know what I did, whenever I said, that I couldn't come because of some _'one night stand'_ or something?" Levi swallows unsure of what to say.

"I hurt myself in every way possible. I drink until I pass out, I punch the wall, I break the mirror. Or sometimes, sometimes I really have people over and I have them tell me I'm worthless, have _them_ hurt me, when I can't hurt myself any more." Levi starts crying again. "But why have you never said anything? I would have helped you. I _like_ you. I like you more than you think or probably want. And- and I would have been there."

Modeus takes his hands off of his eyes and looks at Levi. "I don't want to fuck this up. Fuck _you_ up like everything else I've ruined." Levi takes his hand.

"Now listen to me, closely. Everything will be alright. We'll get through this and-" he starts crying heavier again "-and even if you don't like me back, I'll still be here. I'll be your _friend_.", he whispers.

"Please, please just stay right now." Modeus asks and Levi crawls into bed, lying next to him, holding him closely. "I will."

It's the first time in weeks, that Modeus sleeps through the night. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked this and if you did, please leave kudos or a comment! It would mean a lot to me. Oh and feel free to point out any mistakes or give constructive criticism.  
> English is not my native language and I had no beta reader for this one, as I wrote it all in one go when inspiration struck me like a lightning bolt. ^^  
> I still hope that I did okay and that there aren't too many mistakes in this.  
> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
